Actual OkCupid Responses to a 39-Year Old Lady Looking for Love

December 2, 2011 in Relationships

–Post by Kourtney

If you don’t know already, OkCupid is an online dating site. I dub it “OkStupid” because that’s who seems to reply to my ad. From what I hear from others, there are plenty of ladies who get replies from smart, intelligent men who went to Harvard. But not me.  This is a typical sampling of inquires I’ve gotten recently. I’d love to include photos but that wouldn’t be too nice.

43 / M / Straight / Single

Walked out this morning and i dont beleive what i saw – A hundred million bottlees washed up on the shore-seems i’m never lonely being alone… A hundred million castaways looking for a home… Im sending an SOS to you girl… Please reply to get my message in a bottle… Regards

 39 / M / Straight / Single

Hi, how r u doing today? Actually u look great. I am interesting in casual sex, if u r still interested plz send message back to me

29 / M / Straight / Single

i’d love to rendezvous for something casual and spicy. safe and sexy…

21 / M / Straight / Single

Honestly, your 2 beautifullll, i had 2 tell you that b4 anything … But nice 2 meet u

45 / M / Straight / Single

My name is ____. I work at ad agency managing the online projects. I live in Brooklyn and work in Manhattan.  I enjoy dining out and traveling.  I am not into the games, and would like to know more about you.  Please drop me a line to start out conversation.

unknown {user deleted profile — or was thrown off site}

wow you looking young, like 26 something, you are so hot, sexy, curvy, sorry cant help but notice curves, I work for Victoria Secrets .  men around must be blind or dumb to let you go single. wow your pix are provocative lol you are hot, sexy

OK. I do acknowledge that I am a little to blame for these short, to-the-point messages. It’s because I stated in my profile that I am interested in casual sex. I also have just one picture up–a face shot. And it’s Photoshopped. But most people won’t be able to tell; I had my sister do it and she is a pro.

In case you are interested, this is how I filled out my profile:

  1. What I’m doing with my life: I’m from Baltimore. I have been in NYC for 11 years now and love it. I’m working f/t as paralegal
  2. I’m really good at: Running, I do half marathons. I’m not yet up for the challenge of a complete marathon, but maybe someday! I also play the violin, I started lessons about 3 years ago.
  3. The first things people usually notice about me: My smile? My legs? Not sure!
  4. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food: My favorite books are the Alchemist, Running with Scissors, and Naked. I like to eat healthy.
  5. On a typical Friday night I am: Spending time with friends. Salsa dancing occasionally. Eating good food.
  6. The most private thing I’m willing to admit: I just ended a relationship.
  7. I’m looking for: Guys who like girls/Ages 20-65/Located anywhere/For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex


About the Author: Kourtney is a blogger known as “Asa29″ on the dating website OkCupid

How to Make Friends and Meet New Lovers on Facebook

November 8, 2011 in Relationships

My friend “Sharky” is the happiest guy in the world. Actually, I’m not sure if that’s statistically accurate but on Facebook he sure seems to be living it up. He lives in a foreign country, is constantly going to parties and unusual events–like fire-dancing parties–he also loves his job and has a beautiful, younger girlfriend. Sharky used to tell me he did “the secret” and that was the key to his success but I think it’s not magic, it’s just “putting yourself out there”.

It’s pretty obvious that if you stay at home in your pajamas all day, you aren’t putting yourself out in the world — or anywhere. If you want to be popular, you have to reach out to others and call people on the phone whom you hardly know and follow up the conversation via IM and Facebook chat. You have to be extroverted.

Extroverts tend to be gregarious, assertive, and interested in seeking out external stimulus (–Wikipedia).

A large part of being famous or successful– regardless of the who-you-know factor– seems to be the simple personality quality of extroversion.  Good sales people are simply extroverted. They sell themselves by being interested in you.

If acting extroverted is the key to success, and winning friends can just happen by reaching out to others, then why are there so many lonely people out there? Because most people lack the ability to act extroverted.

According to Ellen Mittle, a social psychologist, if you aren’t that apt at the art of extroversion in person, Facebook can actually be a good way to make new friends or find potential life partners. “To truly make new friends you need to start conversations with strangers. One technique is called ‘cold-messaging’ where you scan potential friends from someone else’s profile and then message a person whom you think has a lot in common with you. I wouldn’t suggest that you request their friendship right away. Instead, message them first about a topic that they won’t be able to resist responding to. For instance, if you scan the profile and see that they attended an Ivy league college, I would message the potential friend a seemingly out-of-context philosophical question. If you can’t think of any, do a Google search. Anyhow, after they write a response to your question, then continue the discourse by challenging their answer. Finally, after a few messages back and forth, you are now allowed to friend request them — and — even better, you should ask them to discuss the matter over a cup of coffee. This technique works very well for meeting potential dates as well. ”

Social psychologist Ellen Mittle offers one technique on Facebook for meeting a potential life partner

This couple I saw getting married in New Orleans in 2011 may or may not have met on a social networking site.

Social psychologist Ellen Mittle offers one technique on Facebook for meeting a potential life partner. Mittle wants to emphasize that when meeting a “potential” on Facebook, make sure that you contact them with something that pertains to their life. Don’t send generic messages to numerous people.

Playing dead this Halloween?: Or is it really your relationship that is dead?

October 29, 2011 in Relationships

Some people hate Halloween but others enjoy it immensely as it’s the one real night of the year where you can wear a crazy, slutty, deranged costume. You can be whom ever you want to be — no questions asked. (Except if you go is Hitler, a Nazi, or in black face. Then you might get a second glance and a possible punch in the face.)

For me, Halloween is a romantic day, much more so than Valentine’s day or Christmas because it’s the one day where you can live it up with your date and your mutual friends, you don’t have to give a gift or be on your best behaviour, and you can get smashed and wear the same attire as your romantic partner.

Halloween is also a great holiday for single people because it’s a great excuse to meet other people. Costumes and booze promote inhibition, and love sparks frequently fly between strangers.

Thinking about all this romance, I asked “Kleva4eva’, a self-proclaimed Okcupid addict and an attractive man, for some heartfelt advice for people that sadly had to experience lackluster romance this Halloween. Kleva4eva had some good ideas, mainly suggesting that:

“if you are in a dead-end relationship, you need to plan an exit strategy now, as there is still time to find someone else to snog before or on Halloween night.”

His words to those people in dead-end relationships are harsh. He writes in this article “things I have actually done to my dates. Don’t get mad, I just want to reveal that they are warning signs that the man in your life is probably using you like an iPhone 4S—only when it’s convenient for him. I’m not talking about the obvious ‘cheating on you’ signs–I am talking about general ‘I am disinterested in dating you’ signs. You should know it’s OVA when your man:”

1. No longer invites you to family holidays and special occasions. For instance, he says, “I would have invited you but I didn’t want to bring two gifts.”

2. No longer takes pictures of you or you together. Also, he does not have photos of you on social media accounts. (The latter is more questionable, because a guy might place photos of you online in hopes that it shows he is friends with some very sexy people).

Who doesn't want to put your picture up online?

What guy wouldn't want to put your picture up online?!

3. Tells you he’ll call you later, then texts later he’ll call you later, then texts later that he had a ‘RUUUUF! day’ and will text you the next day. OR perhaps he only calls you very late at night when he’s tried to make plans with other ladies’ first.

4. Tells you he does not love you, and then  a couple of days later he changes his mind and then a couple of  days later he changes his mind again. Alternatively, he may tell you that you are ‘just his friend’, then he makes out with you another day, and then he  repeats the friendship speech on a different day.

5. Goes on vacations without you – every vacation. ALTERNATIVELY, he most often goes on vacations with other people and only asks you to come when he wants to go out of town to split costs.

6. Does not make any effort to make you happy on your birthday. There are some twists on this: Maybe he takes you out for your birthday, but on a random day of the week that is convenient for him. Or maybe he does not get you a card, even though you told him how much a card would mean to you.

7. Asks you for gas money or Metro Card reimbursement when he comes to see you.

8. Goes to an event his ex is throwing over something you’ve invited him to.

9.  Ignores texts or emails about events you’ve invited him to and says he never saw them.

10.  Sees other female friends who you have never met more than he sees you. (K, I’m a LITL embarrassed 2 admit 2 that one, if my current grrl sees this I will be getting an angry phone call or maybe 20… :/)