October 24, 2011 in Relationships
Before I dated my ex-boyfriend, Alex, he had a special friend in his life. Let’s call him “Mike”. Alex and Mike did all sorts of activities together; activities that any normal romantically involved couple would do– including weekend trips, museums, weddings, holiday parties, grocery shopping, movies, and more. My ex wasn’t bisexual to my knowledge, he was just a man in his 40s that was strangely co-dependent on this other man also in his 40s. When dating Alex, I often found it hard to compete with Mike for Alex’s attention and time, especially when I wanted to do traditional activities with Alex that a girlfriend might do with a guy. Trying to do small tasks like grocery shopping with Andy was a problem because when it came time for it, it would turn out that he did all of his essentials with Mike, like going to Costco.
Isn’t grocery shopping an activity a couple does together, not a place for two single, middle-aged dudes?
After a year of dating, I felt like I could not compete with the bond he had with Mike. Alex still only wanted to see me a couple of times a week, and I thought it was partially because Mike made an issue of it. When I would see Alex, Mike would sometimes come along. But when Alex and Mike were already out, perhaps with a third guy, I was not invited. Furthermore, Mike would often seem to get mad on the telephone when he found out I was with Alex and not with him. One day I was over Alex’s apartment and the phone rang. Alex said: “No, I hadn’t planned for her to come over. I swear. We can go to the park together another time.” (In this situation, “we” refers to Alex and I; “we” could go to the park another time.)
You may wonder at this point, were Alex and Mike lovers? Not according to them. I asked Alex repeatedly. Maybe it even got on his nerves, but the situation didn’t make any sense to me. I asked a few of my gay male friends what they thought of the situation, and they seemed to think that Mike might be gay. These were the facts: Mike wasn’t actively dating even though he was single, handsome, Jewish and rich. One might think, ‘he obviously has a huge crush on my man.’
Then I thought of an alternative explanation: Maybe Alex and Mike were not gay, but merely trying to “pick up chicks”everywhere they could. Ladies like to grocery shop. They like to go to coffee shops. They like the park. They like museums.
But if that was the case, why didn’t I ever see Mike with a girlfriend?
But maybe the reason was that they were both “players?” (That did seem plausible, as I did find out that Alex had a profile on Ashley Madison.)
I know this story might seem offense, especially to both Mike and Alex, who very well may be reading this article. I should say that I do apologize sincerely. Even though it’s over between myself and Andy, this is just one issue that still keeps me up at night. That, and caffeinated coffee.
I am now seeking a term to describe their relationship: a nonsexual, co-dependent male-on-male relationship. I looked at other terms to get inspiration. For instance, Lesbro: a guy who hangs out mostly with lesbians; a male fag-hag.
I was thinking that “adultbro” might be fitting, but apparently that is a term for sister on brother pornography. So now I am still seeking a word to classify such a relationship and I am open to suggestions. I am also wondering if other people may have been in similar situations that they would be interested in sharing their experiences on this blog.
***UPDATE TO STORY: I’m not claiming that I haven’t taken any liberties when I wrote this entry. But then again, this story could be 100% true. It doesn’t really matter to me… ***