November 8, 2011 in Relationships
My friend “Sharky” is the happiest guy in the world. Actually, I’m not sure if that’s statistically accurate but on Facebook he sure seems to be living it up. He lives in a foreign country, is constantly going to parties and unusual events–like fire-dancing parties–he also loves his job and has a beautiful, younger girlfriend. Sharky used to tell me he did “the secret” and that was the key to his success but I think it’s not magic, it’s just “putting yourself out there”.
It’s pretty obvious that if you stay at home in your pajamas all day, you aren’t putting yourself out in the world — or anywhere. If you want to be popular, you have to reach out to others and call people on the phone whom you hardly know and follow up the conversation via IM and Facebook chat. You have to be extroverted.
Extroverts tend to be gregarious, assertive, and interested in seeking out external stimulus (–Wikipedia).
A large part of being famous or successful– regardless of the who-you-know factor– seems to be the simple personality quality of extroversion. Good sales people are simply extroverted. They sell themselves by being interested in you.
If acting extroverted is the key to success, and winning friends can just happen by reaching out to others, then why are there so many lonely people out there? Because most people lack the ability to act extroverted.
According to Ellen Mittle, a social psychologist, if you aren’t that apt at the art of extroversion in person, Facebook can actually be a good way to make new friends or find potential life partners. “To truly make new friends you need to start conversations with strangers. One technique is called ‘cold-messaging’ where you scan potential friends from someone else’s profile and then message a person whom you think has a lot in common with you. I wouldn’t suggest that you request their friendship right away. Instead, message them first about a topic that they won’t be able to resist responding to. For instance, if you scan the profile and see that they attended an Ivy league college, I would message the potential friend a seemingly out-of-context philosophical question. If you can’t think of any, do a Google search. Anyhow, after they write a response to your question, then continue the discourse by challenging their answer. Finally, after a few messages back and forth, you are now allowed to friend request them — and — even better, you should ask them to discuss the matter over a cup of coffee. This technique works very well for meeting potential dates as well. ”
Social psychologist Ellen Mittle offers one technique on Facebook for meeting a potential life partner. Mittle wants to emphasize that when meeting a “potential” on Facebook, make sure that you contact them with something that pertains to their life. Don’t send generic messages to numerous people.